Malta

Hello everyone, my name is Victoria Udebiuwa and I am the new PWEN blogger. When I first picked up my pen to begin inking this blog post, I thought of simply writing about Mother’s Day and dedicating it to my mother, because this is my first Mother’s Day without her.

My mother passed away from Stage 4 Brain Cancer, after a three and a half year battle, on Christmas Eve 2020. My heart is still so raw and open from this loss that I thought it would be the focus of this piece, but the Holy Spirit had other plans and intentions.

Instead of writing about the heartache and sadness I experienced through losing my mother, I’m going to take this time to share something different with you. It’s a personal letter that I wrote to God in light of all that I learned through experiencing grief, trauma, and pain, and how I was brought peace on the other side of it all. It’s a thank you letter.

“Dear Abba,

Today I’m moving out of Malta and stepping back into the promised land. At first I was angry at you about having to experience Malta, but my time here has grown me in ways I could have never imagined. Thank you for Malta. Thank you for the important lessons and teachings you gave me in this place that helped to shape my character and refine me in the fire. Thank you for helping me get right in my prayer life, build my faith, and continue trusting in you. Thank you for showing me what intimacy with you looks like, and for always encouraging and empowering me to be my most authentic self. Thank you for showing me grace when I needed it and especially when I didn’t know

I needed it. But most of all, thank you for sitting with me until I could stand. For never leaving nor forsaking me in this wilderness. Because of you, I know grief, but am no longer debilitated by it. I know heartbreak, but am no longer broken from it. And now that I am standing, I can now move forward knowing that you are with me with every step. Thank you for the milk of your word but now I am ready for your meat. Thank you for spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical maturity.

Love,

Victoria.”

In the Bible, Malta is the unplanned detour stop that Apostle Paul has to make before he heads back to his original destination, Rome. It was a place where pain bore purpose and peace. Dealing with the grief in losing my mother and best friend, is my own personal Malta, but in this place and space God has continued to do a good work in me. For those of you dealing with the loss of a loved one, please know that you are not alone, and that if you let Him, God will love you past your pain and into your promise. Til’ next time, adieu.