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Off Balance

What do you do when what you prayed for doesn’t look like what you expected it to? I want to talk to you about balance and how sometimes when we pray to receive it, what we get can sometimes leave us feeling off balance.

A few months ago when I had my last manic episode with bipolar disorder, I cried out to Jesus to help me become more balanced. I had doubts about my ability to make important life decisions and I was worn out. So I prayed this prayer and Jesus showed up through family and friends to do the most thoughtful heavy lifting on my behalf. Let’s call this balance phase 1.

The beautiful thing about prayer is that like water, it continues to move and transform as you continue your walk in Christ. This is exactly what happened to me as I was moving from balance phase 1 to balance phase 2. In balance phase 1, Jesus used other people to help me reach a balanced state. In balance phase 2, Jesus was now using work to help me reach a more balanced state.

This second phase saw me going from the psych clinic to applying for jobs in education to getting a position as a full time substitute teacher. Now the blessings of this job are many but the main ones are that even though I’m a substitute, I’m not on call, I report to work at the same time every day, and I’m guaranteed work every day.

The major difficulties with this job for me are the unknown variables. Not knowing what subject I’m going to be teaching or the grade I’m going to be teaching, until the morning I was supposed to teach. Though I could see the pros of this teaching position clearly, the cons made me wonder why this place was chosen as my place of balance.

The answer to my predicament came in this word from Jesus: No blessing from God is a mixed blessing. If the blessing is bringing out something that would keep you from moving forward, it’s because it has to go. And if the blessing has you feeling off balance, it means there’s room for Jesus come in and do what only He can do. Only Jesus can balance us out. Only the Holy Spirit can keep us properly grounded.

In my situation, my anxiety was going crazy because the Lord was using my job to help address and remove my anxiety. I felt off balance because of those unknown variables, but having them there made me trust Jesus even more and give Him my yes every day.

Be encouraged! Jesus knows us better than we know ourselves and has planned for us far greater than we could ever plan for ourselves. It takes time to see the promise and even then, there are parts we aren’t privy to. Be patient, let your prayers unfold, and walk it out. You won’t regret it.

Til’ next time, adieu.


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