I’m in this season of my life where Jesus is showing me what it means to submit to Him as my provider. Prior to allowing Him to work out my salvation, I was someone who deemed herself “independent,” and as such, her own provider. In a different season, Jesus showed me how truly dependent I am on Him for everything, in order to change my thinking. Upon graduating from that season, I’m now in this one.
It’s not that I don’t believe that God can provide for me, I just deal with a lot of anxiety when a deadline is around the corner. Perfect example? When it comes time for me to pay my bills. Throughout this pandemic, not having a consistent paying job has caused me tons of mental stress. Despite that, Jesus always made sure that rent was paid on time, every time. Whether it was a perfectly timed stimulus check or a release of funds I had forgotten about, He always made sure that rent and all of my bills were paid before the due date.
You’d think that with this track record I’d be able to rest easier and lean more into trusting Jesus, right? Wrong! With each new deadline or financial burden, the feelings of anxiety creep up inside like they never left, until they completely bubble over. This cycle robs me of my peace every time.
In this season however, I’m determined to reclaim the peace that Jesus freely gave me and stop sabotaging myself. The fact that no matter how many times I was pulled out of a perceived hole, I still went into deep panic while waiting for the help from my Heavenly Father to manifest itself, let me know that this “anxiety issue” was far greater than me.
So what did I do? I surrendered it over to Jesus in prayer. I went to the word of God for reminders of who I am in Christ and all the different ways God has shown Himself faithful to His word. I spoke words of affirmation over myself every time the enemy came at my mind like a flood to remind me of something negative about myself. I put on my favorite worship songs and praised Jesus before I saw any physical changes to my situation because “we live by believing not by seeing” (see 2 Corinthians 5:7).
I surrendered this weakness over to God and the Holy Spirit came up with these ways for me to stay free as I wait for God to intervene. This surrendering process is not a “one and done” kind of thing. It’s a challenging choice I have to make every day. However, the continuous peace I’ve been experiencing and the lightness of spirit that I consistently feel, are invaluable. You truly can’t put a price on it. I want to encourage anyone reading this who suffers from a heavy burden. Try giving it to God. Choose surrender. You’ll be glad you did!
Til’ next time, adieu.